if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
