Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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