This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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