At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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