my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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