Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
