I cut my penus on the lid.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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