I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
