You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
