i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
