new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
someone owes me an orgasm
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
