Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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