so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
