She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
