You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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