Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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