Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
