I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
