Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
