Your tits are I can't wait for
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
