he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
