I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
