Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
