thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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