hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
