Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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