We're facebook friends in real life
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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