She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
