Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
