These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
