Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
