If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
