He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Randomize
