Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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