Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
