dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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