We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
