I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
