you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
