he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
