Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
