my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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