Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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