David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
