is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
