Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
