They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
