angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
