Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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