i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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