Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
