I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
