I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
