i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
