I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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