I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
