Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
